So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
