And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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