saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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