I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
