i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize