I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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