theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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