I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Everyone says I win the strip club
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
