Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
