Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
