Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
