If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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