I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i came on her dog
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
