Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
