Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
