Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize