I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
