Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
