Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
