i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize