thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
