I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
