i barfeds in our rink
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
