And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize