It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
