when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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