My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
