why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
