I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize