Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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