she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
