ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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