so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
