Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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