for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
