Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
