no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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