i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
