One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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