you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
