you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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