For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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