remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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