It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
