went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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