If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize