My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
