I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Life is so much better after having sex.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
