You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
