I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
