i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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