A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
