Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
