There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If that was your dad, he is hot
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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