Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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