im holly from the hills drunk
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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