I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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