every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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