i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
