you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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