my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
