i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
