I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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