i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
