I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
