Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
