I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
