That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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