apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
