I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
