i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
