She's JV to your varsity
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You can't just leave with hair like that
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize