i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
