Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize