I want you more than these girls want KFC
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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