soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
