I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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