what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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