you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize