so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
