I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
God, I missed his penis.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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