bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
