Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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