and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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