Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize