I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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