you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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