Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize