on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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