Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
