batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We are all done wearing pants today
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