I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i think i just lost a toe
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
false alarm, still single
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
