I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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