he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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