why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize