it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
