didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
high people should be assigned attendants
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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