my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
