My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
