what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
