Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
