maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
