That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize