If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
