so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize