I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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