How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
