OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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