Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
