His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
