It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
