By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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