I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
