Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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