problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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