how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
