i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
