Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
