I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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