So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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